My Journey from Anger to Self-Acceptance with Chronic Illness
Living with chronic illness isn't just a physical challenge; it's an emotional and mental journey as well. In this post, I want to share my personal journey of embracing healing, shifting my mindset, and finding self-acceptance while navigating the ups and downs of POTS, chronic fatigue, and hypermobile EDS. If you're struggling to let go of anger and fear, and searching for ways to regain control of your life, know that you're not alone.
Embracing Grief and Letting Go:
Grief is a natural response to the losses that chronic illness brings. For a long time, I denied myself of feeling this grief and clung on to anger and regret. I came to realize that this was a roadblock to finding peace and healing. I learned to let go and accept the present moment for what it is. This shift my perspective was transformative - it allowed me to release the negative energy that was preventing me from moving forward.
The Power of Mind-Body Connection:
I came to understand that my thoughts and emotions were directly influencing my body's ability to heal. The chemicals released in response to my feelings were impacting my physical well-being. Anger, fear, and worry triggered cortisol and adrenaline - keeping me in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze - blocking my healing. This revelation gave me a renewed sense of agency – I saw that I might not control my illness, but I can control my thoughts which can directly impact how my body responds.
Choosing My Reactions:
In the midst of feeling powerless, I discovered that I still had control over my reactions. I realized that, moment by moment, my responses to external events surrounding my illness were within my grasp. This awareness allowed me to redirect my energy from frustration to productive actions that support my well-being like meditation, breathwork, or support groups.
Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset:
It's easy to fall into the trap of playing the victim card looking to others to fix you, especially with a chronic condition. But I realized that this mindset was keeping me from healing. Instead of focusing on what was unfair and holding vendettas against doctors, I started asking myself why I was holding onto these negative emotions. This shift allowed me to let go of fear and worry, and find a sense of peace as I navigated through treatment options.
Gratitude and Finding Meaning:
Embracing gratitude was a game-changer. It drastically helped me shift my perspective. This practice didn’t happen overnight - it took baby steps starting with just a short list every day. It helped me recognize the aspects of my life that were still beautiful and fulfilling and the blessings I did have. It pointed me towards finding meaning and purpose beyond my illness. I was able to cultivate positivity and allow joy to seep back into my life.
Discovering the Multi-Faceted Self:
I learned that I am not defined by my illness. Yes, it's a part of me, but there are many other dimensions to who I am beyond my physical self. This was huge as a PT who relied on my physical capabilities for years. By acknowledging and nurturing these different aspects, I found room for personal growth and development and new purposeful direction in my life - health and wellness coaching for those with POTS and chronic fatigue.
The Journey of Self-Acceptance:
One of the most profound realizations was the impact of self-acceptance on my healing journey. I practiced shifting my mindset from self-criticism to self-love. This involved a lot of mental retraining after years of self-hatred. Changing my mindset towards myself had a tangible effect on my nervous system. I shifted out of my default fight, flight or freeze mode and felt my stress, tension, and fatigue let go.
Moving Forward with Purpose:
Transitioning from "I have" to "I am healing from POTS, chronic fatigue and hypermobile EDS" was empowering. It didn’t mean denying I had them. It meant that I am more than my conditions and that my life has many chapters left to unfold, giving me hope. On rough days, I continue to remind myself that I am moving forward, one step at a time, even when I take a step backwards.
If you're navigating the challenging waters of chronic illness, remember that your journey is unique. Embrace your grief, let go of what's holding you back, and shift your mindset towards acceptance and healing. It's okay to struggle; it's okay to take small steps. Each day is an opportunity to practice self-acceptance, choose positive reactions, and thrive despite the challenges. You are not your condition – you are a resilient soul on a journey of healing and self-discovery.
