A friend recently asked me how I got from lying on my couch to having energy to cook in my kitchen. The couch-to-kitchen process has been far from linear. I faced setbacks I had to navigate through (see my prior post). What got me into the kitchen again was finding my passion to thrive - “why” behind my motivation.

I definitely struggled to find my passion during bad flares of EDS and POTS. I have had moments of wanting to give up and just stay curled up in a ball on my couch. During those times of exhaustion and pain, I lost my passion.

How did I find my passion again?

I realized that deep within me I had the resilience to thrive. 

I realized that with time I could find my passion again.

I had to peel back the layers preventing me from finding my resilience. Just like peeling an onion, there were tears involved. I let go of how I thought things should be at this point in my life. I allowed myself to grieve my losses related to changes in my health.

At first, I felt like an imposter saying I was grieving because I did not lose someone close to me. I came to see though that I had lost the things I had used to define how “well” I was: my health and my career status. Grieving helped me find resilience within myself. I was able to see that being “well” meant tending to my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical energy.

I spent time with my thoughts and emotions, filling multiple journals and feeling lost. I reached out to support groups to help me find direction. After grieving, I found acceptance and gratitude. My mindset changed from “why me” to “how can I be true to myself right now.”

I found spiritual energy through starting to meditate. This took time, self-compassion, and an app to stay focused when my mind wandered. Joining an online meditation community helped tremendously with accountability to practice. 

Being more grounded and shifting my mindset helped me find my passion and listen to what my body needed to thrive. Shifting my mindset changed how I viewed food, time, and movement.

I went from seeing cooking food in my kitchen as energy draining to energy giving. I started to prioritize cooking simple healthy meals, seeing food as a source of energy. It took patience, practice, and creativity, along with a few kitchen mishaps, to figure out the balance of nutrients my body needs to thrive.

My view of time changed. I no longer stressed about having the energy to get everything done each day before being exhausted. When I did not get something done, I gave myself compassion. I listened to my internal clock for my daily rhythm. I started making shorter to-do lists, setting boundaries, and prioritizing time to recharge.

I changed how I viewed movement in my life, whether it was physical exercise, career shifts, or relationship changes. Instead of events to get through,  I saw them as opportunities to enjoy my life just as it is. By asking myself “how can I be true to myself right now,” I  stopped pushing to fit a certain mold and listened to what I needed to thrive in that moment. 

I remind myself that we all have the resilience within ourselves to thrive.

We can all find our passion again when we lose sight of it. 

How can you be true to yourself right now about what you need to be “well”?